


Prison Break

by BatSnake



Series: Fugitive 777 [1]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Dib Membrane Human in Disguise, Goat dad gets his babies back, Many dad cuddles, So many feels with dads, screaming and crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 08:37:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20423066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatSnake/pseuds/BatSnake
Summary: While Prisoner 777 believes his children have (accidentally) been erased from the universe, Dib finds them alive, and goes through the effort of reuniting the family.Zim's attempts to halt it are impeded by a GIR's latest tantrum.





	Prison Break

Prisoner 777 was nearing the end of his patience, as Zim babbled on about his intents for the MacGuffin of Chekhov V. Something about destroying the human child he was foolish enough to continue tangling with. He wasn't even focused on Zim anymore. He watched his three children behind the containment tube they were imprisoned in, huddled together for heat and comfort. Attached to the tube was a massive red button - the same one that threatened to 'erase his children from the universe'. Below that, the words 'ERASE CHILDREN' were painted in large blocks. The manipulation was stacked together cruelly; though Prisoner 777 always hoped it was a bluff, he wasn't going to take the chance.  
The littlest sucked its own hand quietly. They all looked disheveled - it was unlikely Zim was feeding them adequately.  
He wasn't quite sure how they hadn't keeled over from Zim's complete obliviousness to the care little Vortians required; someone else had to have been keeping them afloat.  
It took everything to remember that he couldn't just tear off his awful prison jumpsuit, pluck them out of the containment tube, and nurse them.   
Thousands of light years apart, and the faded, fuzzy communications screen was the closest he could get to them.  
  
Suddenly, Zim's defective SIR bolted to action, abruptly shrieking "OH! BUTTON!", dashing toward the massive read button on the containment tube.  
"Zim! Zim, stop him!" 777 desperately shouted   
"And I'll be rid of the Dib Boy once and for -- GIR, no!" Zim whipped around with a scream as the SIR thrust his hand up and slammed his on the button.  
"Beep!"   
777 felt everything inside him drop and go numb, as a bright flash consumed the containment tube and he heard terrified squeals within it. He could have sworn he saw their little bodies vaporize into dust - and the dust into nothing.  
The flash faded.  
The containment tube was empty.   
The SIR unit stood next to it, tongue hanging out for a moment, and continued pressing the button. "Beep! Beep! Beep!" He cheerfully chanted, oblivious that the young Vortians were gone.

777's hands clasped to his mouth. He trembled violently, struggling against his own clenching throat for words.   
"My babies. MY BABIES!" He choked out, knees nearly giving out as he collapsed into deep sobbing.   
"MY LEVERAGE!" Zim wailed. "I'll never get the MacGuffin now!" He dropped dramatically, clutching his head and falling prostrated onto the ground.   
_Leverage? MacGuffin???_  
  
"Curses to your Macguffin, Zim!" 777 cracked through his devastation. "And your horrid robot!" He covered his eyes and sank at the knees.  
"MY MAGUFFIN!" Zim squealed, shoving off the floor and bending his back dramatically. Not even hearing.   
For only a moment, GIR watched in limp repose. He watched Zim on the floor howling about the MacGuffin. He watched Prisoner 777 sob heavily on the lab screen.   
In a swift beat from silence, GIR began to join in the noise, letting out a long yell. "EVERYBODY'S SCREAMING!" 

Around the corner of the lab and down another hallway, a small platform perched at the very end of another room, with a small dome hanging from the ceiling. A small, scrappy piece of paper was taped haphazardly to the platform.  
" 'Erase Children': Point B" scrawled sloppily across it.   
A small flash beamed down from the ceiling dome, dropping the three young Vortians onto it, each poofing back into existence. They looked around the darkened room, dazed and confused.   
After a beat of silence, the smallest one started weeping.   
"Where's Daddy?" The biggest of the trio wobbled onto its spindly legs.  
"DADDYYY!" The middle called.   
The biggest grabbed the smallest by the hand and hauled it down the hallway, leading its siblings with it around the corner until they could peek around to the lab.   
Zim was back on his feet; only 777's horns were in frame, as he had keeled over in his devastation.   
They shirked back, noticing Zim nearly face them.  
"Computer! End the call!" He released one last emotional scream, before snapping to normalcy. "Well. I guess I can't get anything out of him anymore. Thanks a lot, GIR." He glared at the little robot, who was running in circles, still screaming.   
"Guess I'll have to 'erase' the brats for real and find a new Vortian to serve me." He shrugged. "778's free though...so's 779..." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "780 died in that Horrible Space Blob Incident..." He continued to mumble and parse his options as he sorted through an array of weaponry. He shuddered at the memory of the Horrible Space Blob. 

The young Vortians froze up behind the wall they hid behind, watching Zim quietly.  
"Hey." A hushed voice came from behind them.   
They looked up and behind them, and noticed a creature they'd never seen before. Sort of like their own. The feet were wrong. It didn't have horns or antennae. Fur on the head.   
"I'm Dib. I saw everything." He whispered. "I was here earlier and then Zim forgot I was here when your dad called."   
"Daddy?" One of them perked up.   
"Uh. Yeah." Dib picked it up.   
  
He squinted a moment. He could carry all three of them easily. Present them to Professor Membrane as real aliens. Get acclaim as the Boy Who Proved Aliens Are Real and Kicked Zim's Butt. His imagination ran wild thinking of the respect and honors he would receive. He imagined his dad's pride.  
His dad.   
His dad who he had just had an enormous argument with about the ten-legged frog-like creature that escaped from Zim's house. It had to have been an alien! It had complex teeth! Frogs didn't have complex teeth! Frogs didn't have tentacles! Frogs didn't have---

  
Dib stopped his train of thought, having a return of the horror he felt, as he witnessed the Vortian children appear to vaporize - and somehow worse - their father's distraught reaction.  
"No! You're babies! You need your dad!" He pointed a finger up. "And I know where Moo-Ping 10 is!" He scooped up the other two. "Okay. Gotta go before Zim starts looking for your demise." His tone dropped off as he shuffled to a transport tube, squeezing just behind an oblivious Zim as he kept listing off potential new Vortians to extort.   
"888 would be too repetitive..." He mumbled.  
"Bye bye, Dib! Bye bye, babies!" GIR squealed with a wave, watching them ascend up the transport tube.   
"Dib??? Babies??? _BYE BYE?!_" Zim whipped around, just noticing Dib's feet before they disappeared from view. "HEY!" He called, before hanging his arms limp at his sides. "Now I have to...wait for the thing to come down..." He grumbled. 

************************

Dib jumped out of the toilet that led to the lab, dashing for the door to get just a few more seconds of speed before Zim could catch up to him. Out of the house, he stopped dramatically at the edge of the sidewalk.  
"To my house where the ship is!"   
He turned on his heels toward the direction of his house, and walked at an even, but quick, pace. The tube out of the lab was a long ride. He had time to walk. It didn't take that long to get into his garage, even when he had to configure holding all three in one arm so he could open the door. All the while, they were peeping out little complaints. Asking for daddy every other time.   
He hurried to Tak's Ship, where he had left it parked after another recent escapade.   
"Hey! Ship!" Dib rushed to it. "We have to get someone out of Moo-Ping 10!" He fixed his hold on all three of the Vortians.  
"Your dad? Again?" Tak's Ship groaned.  
"No! Their dad! Do you know about Prisoner 777?" Dib asked.  
"Designer of the Massive? Creator of my ship class? Responsible for an array of weaponry and technology?" Tak's Ship listed off.  
"Yeah! That guy!" Dib grinned.  
"I'm not letting a Vortian even touch my interior! Let alone a Vortian's butt!" 

Dib rolled his eyes. "Again with the butts--he can be useful! He can...uh...repair you more than I can, he can help us fight Zim."  
Tak's Ship was quiet for a moment.  
"Fine." It tutted. "But the Vortian brats stay behind."   
Dib frowned. "No, they need to come too. 777 thinks they're dead, but if I leave them behind, Zim's probably going to 'erase' them for real." Dib rattled with urgency.   
The ship was silent.  
"If it helps, I can put them in a basket or hold them in my lap. Or both." Dib sighed.  
"Fine." Tak's Ship replied after a pause.  
Dib looked down at the babies, who gazed up at them - he only then noticed how terrifyingly huge their eyes were.   
"So uh...you guys want some milk for the road or something?"

Zim was nearly at Dib's house - in human disguise - when the garage door opened and Tak's Ship shot out from it into the sky. Zim watched it fly further and further. Past the stratosphere. Into space.  
"Ooooo! Now I have to walk all the way back and get my ship!" He growled. 

As the ship shot past the moon, Dib fumbled with getting a fresh carton of milk open. Gaz would surely have his neck for it - it was a special brand she had specifically requested. The babies needed it more as far as he was concerned - and he would be sure to replace it. He pulled open the top, dropped a bendable straw in, and held it up to one of them.   
"Okay, here you go." He offered.   
The biggest baby looked at the carton and straw suspiciously, before clamping its mouth on the straw with a short suck.   
Its eyes bugged out and it spat the straw out.  
"NO! YUCK!" It screamed, shoving the carton away and then sobbed, hanging its arms and head over the basket's edge. "I'm hungry!"   
Dib looked at the carton it had so fiercely declined. "But I gave you--" He stammered.   
"I'm hungryyyyyy!" The littlest wailed.  
"I'm cold!" The middle one chimed in.   
"I want daddy!"   
Dib could feel his energy drain with every single complaint - and he wasn't even doing anything. This was going to be a long ride. 

************************

On Earth, Zim was not getting the motion that he needed. Dib would get to Moo-Ping 10 soon. 777 would find out the "erasing" had been a bluff the whole time. That couldn't happen.   
GIR, however, had other ideas, as he rolled around on the floor in front of the couch, bawling.  
"I WANT TO GO TO PIRATE TOWN!" He wailed, pointing at the colorful commercial that was playing on the television for the tenth time that day.   
  
It featured a horrifyingly ragged costumed character pirate, hobbling around a grimy dock, joined by dozens of human children as they displayed the dozens of rides and snacks the park had to offer. Singing a theme song that Zim realized immediately wouldn't leave his head for days. On one cut, the pirate's peg leg fell off the costume and into the Big Big World of Pirates moat.

_Hello/Me Mateys/Let's go/down to   
**PIRATE TOWN!!!**  
Hello/Me Hearties/Let's have/fun at   
**PIRATE TOWN!!!**_

It ended with a red, battered-looking parrot puppet swiftly squawking out the address and legal information.  
"BRAAK! PirateTownisnotresponsibleforheartattacksstrokesseizuresandappendicitis! Turnleftattheturnpike! BRAWK!" It rattled, its beak moving with no regard for sync; it was so aged that threads split on its buttoned eye until it nearly fell off.  
"No, GIR. We're not going to Pirate Town!" Zim sighed, pinching between his eyes. "We have to stop Dib before he gets to Moo-Ping 10 with 777's little brats! The ones you're acting like right now!"   
GIR laid prone upwards on the floor. "Can we go to Pirate Town after?" He sniffled.  
"No." Zim crossed his arms. GIR continued wailing, at a louder pitch than before.  
"FINE! We'll go to Pirate Town after we find Dib!" Zim relented.  
"HOORAY!" GIR popped onto his feet.  
"Let's finally get into the ship." Zim grabbed GIR by the hand and led him back down to the lab.   
"I'm gonna meets Squawky!"  
"GIR. No. Squawky is terrifying. And gross."

************************

Dib was nearly at his wit's end.   
All three babies were crying. All three had now refused the milk he brought along. It had been shoved away, and spilled in multiple parts of the ship.   
Dib clutched the littlest one, who had been complaining the most about being cold and tired, rocking himself and the baby while wearily choking out a lullaby from his own infancy, out of patience, and wildly out of tune.  
"_Este lindo niño! Se quiere dormir! Cierra los ojitos! Y los vuelve a abrir!_"  
It didn't work. At all. No one was happy.   
Least of all Tak's Ship, which had been bitterly silent. Until...

"Alright, we're there!" Tak's Ship suddenly blared. Dib recognized the right-angled floating pillars of Moo-Ping 10. "Look, your dad's in there!" He pointed wearily. He fell on deaf ears.   
"Do you have a better plan this time?" It asked.  
"This time, I'm going to disguise myself." Dib put the baby in the basket.  
"As what?" Tak's Ship asked.  
"I dunno...a prisoner?" Dib shrugged. 

  
A drawer shot open. Inside was a neatly arranged Irken soldier's uniform. "How about an Invader?" Tak's ship asked.  
"Wouldn't hide my hair, eyes, or skin." Dib noted.  
"I still have one of Tak's holoforms." The ship responded. "It's the bracelet."  
"And what about getting him out? There'd be all kinds of paperwork and I'd have to prove things..." Dib started listing.  
"I'll fabricate that too." Tak's ship spat impatiently.   
"Just get that Vortian out quickly before I lose my patience with his horrible brats!" 

  
Dib quickly redressed himself in the Invader's uniform - he wasn't too thrilled with Tak's old purple getup, but he didn't have much choice. He draped his coat over the basket the baby Vortians were in. They finally went quiet as they were swathed in darkness.  
With a click of the bracelet, he almost appeared to morph into a young, purple-eyed Irken.   
"Ugh. You look a smeet on the first job." Tak's ship 'gagged'.   
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dib gawked as the ship found a space to dock at and opened its shield. "Just take the fabricated papers up front." The ship shot out a block of papers at Dib.   
"Do I really look that young for an Irken?!" Dib flustered as it closed.   
"Just go!" 

  
Dib looked at the high wall of the official entry point and passed through the door.   
It was remarkably empty, save for the blobby alien behind a high window.   
"Uh..." He approached meekly. "Hi. I'm Invader..." He looked to see if he had fake designation.  
"Invader Bid??? I'm Invader Bid!" Dib stood on his tiptoes to slide up the stack of papers. "And I'm on orders to bring Prisoner 777 back to Vort!" He bit his lip, hoping the attendant would fall for it.   
She mumbled and shoved the papers through a scanner. It beeped and screeched and chugged noisily until it dinged.   
"Hmmm there's been a fewwww mistakes." She drawled.   
She looked up and down at Dib. He felt like he could sweat bullets. She'd s surely see right through the forgery!   
"But youuuu look like you're newwww." She fumbled her glasses. "I cannnn make the fiiiiixes." She made a few little scribbles and stamps on selected papers.  
"Okay. Cool. Where do I go to get the prisoner?"  
  
The attendant pressed a small green button. Shortly after, two hulking guards stalked in from side doors.   
"He's heeeere for 777. Transferrrr to back to Vort." She pointed at Dib.  
"Haw. Little smeet on his first job." One of them chortled.  
"I'm not a smeet! I'm a big boy!" Dib stuttered.   
"Come on, kid." One of the guards bumped him. "Prisoner's in recreation."  
They transported him to another block of the prison, into the recreation center. It was quiet inside.   
It wasn't much for recreation.

Most of the prisoners were seated solemnly on the bleachers. A few others stood awkwardly in corners.   
A hulking brown lizard-like prisoner was cradling 777, who was curled in a small ball, weeping raggedly.   
"777 is being transferred back to Vort. Empire's orders." One of the guards stamped his foot for their attention.   
The prisoners all looked at them. 777 weakly lifted his head from the lizard's arm.   
"And they sent this boy to do it?" The lizard rose up, still holding 777. "What? Is this your first job?" He pointed at Dib.  
"Uh yeah..." Dib finally relented. "It sure is my first job." He nodded and put his hands on his hips.   
"You know what happened earlier today? Invader Zim got all three of his kids killed!" The lizard pointed at 777. "Well--his robot is the one that did it. But he still needs to be held accountable! He's the one that separated them on Vort!"   
777 covered his eyes weakly.  
"I...was not told." Dib lied to his teeth. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a job to finish!" He gestured for 777 to be handed over.   
"G'raggo." A guard pointed at the giant lizard. "Now."   
  
G'raggo looked down as 777 gripped his arm in wordless desperation. "Sorry, friend." He gave 777 a small squeeze of a hug and delivered 777 to the guards.  
Dib held him upright while he was cuffed at the wrists and neck, forcing him to stand and not collapse onto the floor again.   
He felt awful. And worse still imagining if he was being transferred for real. By some older, uncaring Irken just looking to get a job done. He grabbed 777 by the arm and led him to the exit. "Come on." He said lowly, with a gentle pull.   
777 didn't weigh much differently than Zim - but he felt heavier as he forced himself to walk in his exhaustion.   
  
"Why are you doing this?" 777 crackled a few minutes after the transport box stared moving. "Why now? Why now when my children are--" He faltered. He couldn't raise his hand to his eyes. Instead, his horns (surprisingly to Dib) flopped over his head as huge tears rolled down his cheeks. He tipped forward in a loss of balance.  
One of the guards lurched to grab him by the shoulder, but Dib caught him around the waist.   
"Uh, I know it's procedure and all...I don't think we need to worry about the cuffs." Dib sheepishly smirked.   
"Fine." One of the guards grumbled. "But just this once, kid. No other prisoner's going to be this easy to haul around." The cuffs were undone.   
777 took a long gasp of breath and pressed his hands to his eyes. 

The box stopped back at the entry. Dib pulled 777 out through the doorway backwards, still hauling him by the waist.   
"So uh...anything of his to collect from here?" Dib asked.   
"Hmmmm..." The attendant disappeared into a melted puddle and oozed down a hallway (glasses still on top of the globby sludge), and returned with a box. She oozed back onto her seat and reformed.   
"In here iiiiis..." She opened up the lid, revealing a thick, gray fabric. It came unfolded when she removed it. "Onnnly one blaaanket?"   
Dib watched 777's small eyes widen as it was pushed through to him. He picked it up gingerly and stared at it for a moment. He clutched it close, pressing a corner to his cheek. Now he just looked like a dried out husk.  
This was continually more and more unpleasant.   
"Okay. We've...got that." Dib cleared his throat. "We best be going."  
"Goooooood luck, Invader Bid!" The attendant waved a gelatinous arm at him.   
Dib waved awkwardly as he pushed the door open with his back.   
  
  
He was quiet for a little bit as he dragged 777 across the parking lot. Only listening to him as he found his voice again.   
"I've lost everything." He croaked. "Everything was fine until Tallest Myuki was killed. It wasn't even my fault, Bid! It wasn't my fault! It was Zim!" He heaved for breath.  
"I could handle prison on Vort - it was still home, I was still an engineer. I still had my cohorts and friends. My children may have been born in that prison, but I still had something!" He looked at the blanket. "But I don't know what happened! I was happy to help Zim if he asked! But after I gave birth...I don't know if he was jealous that I was giving them more attention, but...the best I know is I had to decline helping him because of the babies and..." He came to a stop to catch his breath. He ran a hand over the blanket.   
"And he transferred me here. And he took my family from me. He told me that if I didn't comply, he'd..." He faltered.  
"Yeah...I've got the idea." Dib looked behind himself to make sure he was close to the ship.   
777 sighed.  
  
"You're just a boy, Bid. I'd understand if you've heard stories Zim, but you can't underestimate him." Dib watched his expression turn to anger. "And I was a fool to trust him."   
"Well." Dib reached the ship. "I know I wouldn't trust Zim." He watched the screen open up.  
And wondered how to get 777 in; he certainly wasn't in a state to himself. He stepped into the ship, and using all his strength, swept 777 off the ground, around into the ship, and bringing him down on the seat with a small thud.   
"Ow!" 777 shouted. "Why did you--" He snarled as the ship closed and started to take off.  
"Had to get you in somehow." Dib shrugged and whipped his coat off the basket - which 777 had not yet noticed.  
777 seethed on the seat - but only for a moment before something leaped out from the basket and hitting him square in the stomach.  
"DADDY!" It squealed.   
It happened twice more. Once on his stomach with the first. The second in the middle of his chest.  
"What?!" 777 wheezed, winded and unsure what had happened.   
The ship shot further into space. In the streaking blur of stars, 777 was finally able to gather himself and watch as his babies clutched him.   
  
"What..." He sputtered. "...Babies..." He whispered, sitting up and gathering them together against him.  
"My babies!" He curled himself around them and wept again. Now, overcome with joy.  
"Bid! How is this possible!?" He beamed at Dib. "How were you able to get them, I saw--" He stopped, looking at the floor.  
The milk carton was on the ground, where one of the babies had thrown it in their refusal to drink from it.   
"Why would you leave this on the floor?" He asked, picking it up.  
"There's protocol against that. Even an Irken on the first job should know that. Not to mention what would happen if it sank into the wiring. And..." He sipped from the straw. His brow furrowed. He gagged a little at the taste.   
"Eww, that's too sweet--And no real Irken would be able to handle this kind of liquid concentration."  
"It's yucky!" The biggest baby swatted the air in its direction.  
"Cold!" The littlest chimed in.  
"It sure is, sweetie." 777 grimaced at it.   
He watched Moo-Ping 10 disappear into the distance. Far enough away that they couldn't be followed.   
He poured some of the milk over Dib's head. Dib only shuffled awkwardly as the liquid dripped harmlessly down his face.  
  
"You're not burning!" 777 lurched up onto his feet, pointing in alarm. "What are you, really!?"   
Dib grinned. And switched off his disguise. "I'm Dib!" He flourished as if he were in a cartoon about girls transforming into superheros.   
"The Dib Boy? Zim's Dib?" He blinked in confusion. "But why would you..." He stuttered. "After everything..."   
"Yeah, I was in Zim's lab when everything happened. Turned out the 'Erase Children' tube was a teleporter." Dib explained.   
777's expression turned dark.  
"I knew it. I knew he was bluffing!" He hissed. "But I couldn't take the risk."   
"Yeah, especially since he was going to leave you to rot in Moo-Ping 10 and 'erase' them for real." Zim let more information spill.   
"Was he?" 777 looked at his babies. Watched while they cuddled frantically. 

  
  
He breathed out heavily, hauling each one closer to his face and nuzzled them. It went on for a few minutes like that. Dib wasn't entirely sure. It did take a while.  
Dib moved himself as far to the opposite side of the ship as he could, giving the family some space while they snuggled and reconnected. He noticed a great deal of soft headbutting.  
"Okay." 777 sighed and took a sharp breath, wiping his eyes. He sat up, gently getting all three lowered a little bit.   
"Okay...who's hungry?" He unzipped his jumpsuit and pulled his arms free from the sleeves, letting them drop limply, and reclining back into the seat. The babies perked up eagerly.   
"What are you--AAUGH!" Dib spun around, facing away from them while he started to roll up the thin black undershirt he wore underneath. "How about some more warning!?" He grabbed his coat and threw it over his head.  
"At least you can look away!" Tak's ship hacked.

************************

Zim barely had success getting GIR down to the lab. GIR had spent too long trouncing around the house and lab, singing the Pirate Town Song.  
And just as he was about to board his ship, he got notification for a call from Moo-Ping 10.   
"Hm! Could that be Prisoner 777?" He wondered as he trudged to answer the call.   
He found the administrator Dib had interacted with.  
"Gooood day, Invaader Ziiiiim. I'm inforrrming you that Prisoner 777 has beeeeen transported baaaack to the Vort Prison, on Imperiaaaaal Order." She dragged.  
"Transported?! By who!?" Zim slammed his fist on the console. "Am I, the Mighty Zim, not paying for his imprisonment?"   
"Yees, well...Imperial Orderssss, you know. Besiiiiides. It was a neww Invader's first job. Ooh! He's still praaactically a smeet!"   
"Who is this baby smeet boy that moved my prisoner!?" Zim demanded.  
  
"Oh, Invader Bid, I believe?" The administrator tutted.   
Zim stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Hmhmm. Hmhmmm. Invader Bid. Yes. Bid. Bid? BID! _Biiiiiid!!!_" He paced a moment.   
"Thank you for the information, Blobby Prison Lady!" He made a finger guns gesture.   
"My naame is Maarrtha--"  
"Computer, turn it off!" Zim cut her off.

"So! Dib is running a wild goose chase with 777's spawn and this _Invader Bid _has my prisoner!" He paced some more in thought. "Dib and the bratlings can come to a dead end, I destroy them all on the way back, I track down Invader Bid and destroy HIM, 777 is still right where he should be. Space jail!" He whirled toward GIR.  
"Do you know what this means!?" He pointed at him.   
"We goin' to Pirate Town?" GIR perked up.   
"No, GIR. Not yet." He shook his head. "It means everything's working out for Zim!"  
  
"Master! Master!" GIR waved an arm excitedly.  
"Yes GIR?" Zim folded his arms."  
"If you're an Invader, and he's an Invader...and he's a smeet boy, _you's_ a smeet boy!"  
Zim's left eye twitched.  
"I'm not a smeet, GIR."   
GIR giggled. "You'll always be _MY_ baby smeet boy!"  
"...Sure, GIR. Sure." Zim rolled his eyes. His arms went limp as GIR hugged him.  
"Baby smeet boyyy." 

************************

Dib slowly turned back toward the Vortians, pulling the coat from his head. He thought for a moment that his father might scold him for being rude - and neglecting a moment for scientific study.   
The undershirt was down again. 777 had tied the sleeves of the jumpsuit around his waist at some point.  
The babies were finally quiet, at long last. One splayed across 777's stomach, head on his chest. The other two each rested on his shoulders, cradled in his arms. The gray blanket draped behind 777's back, enveloping all four of them.  
"Uh. Hi." Dib waved awkwardly.  
777 half opened one eye. "Hi."   
"Sorry." Dib cleared his throat.   
"Ah, it's fine. We needed the space." 777 carefully shrugged.   
Dib watched the babies sleep.  
"Jeez, they just...wouldn't quiet down on the way." He flopped back in his seat. "It was always cold or hungry or tired or wanting you and just..."  
"Noise." Tak's ship cut in. "Infernal noise!"   
"Yeah!" Dib agreed. 

  
"You _did_ take nothing with you but _cold_ milk with nothing to heat it. And expected them to take it from a straw." Just as one of the little ones started to kick its leg in its sleep, 777 gave it a few gentle thumps between the shoulder blades with his fingertips until it burped and settled back down.  
"How was I supposed to know they weren't weaned? Besides, it's not like I...would still have my baby bottles sitting around." Dib started defensively, but trailed off in fascination with how quickly the baby's discomfort was identified and resolved.  
"They only have one tooth each." 777 had a dumbfounded silence. He picked up the carton and started reading the nutritional label.  
"Ooo, yeah, no. They were right to not like this." He gritted his teeth. "Yeah, they'd be really unhappy if they actually had their fill of this, even with me here." He looked strangely relieved.   
"Which means Zim wasn't giving it to them. With all the times he communicated with me, I would know if he was."

Dib laughed. "He can barely keep grips on his own robot! He'd lose his mind with him and three screaming kids!"   
"Speaking of Zim, what are we going to do about him?" 777 asked, rubbing his chin. "I'd imagine we're going to your home planet?"  
Dib nodded. "Yep. Earth. It's...something. I haven't had much luck gaining respect and my dad doesn't believe anything I say about aliens or the paranormal, and my sister is going to flay me alive for taking that milk out of the fridge, but...it's the only home I know." Dib sighed.   
777 crossed his legs in thought, and let the child on his stomach slide softly down until it fell cradled in them.   
"Zim will have been told that 'Invader Bid' picked me up, and we'll likely think we're on our way to Vort. It wouldn't actually be stopping him. But I'd like to have a few 'words' with him." His eyes narrowed coldly.  
"Perhaps we could even surprise him with _Invader Bid_?"  
Dib gave the idea a moment of thought. And grinned.  
  
"Sure!"

************************

Zim cackled as his ship finally broke the Earth's atmosphere. Gir listened with a vacant stare for a moment and slowly started to join him.   
He cut off with a surprised "Whu--" as Tak's Ship blazed by his own.   
"Dib's Tak's Ship!" GIR pointed.   
"I can see that. So the Dib has realized his efforts were in vain and has returned, tail between his legs, like the sad, sad boy that he is!" He snickered malevolently, leaning down with his palms pressed together, and snapped back up.  
"Okay, let's go mock him!" He turned the ship around. "I'll mock Invader Bid later!"   
He followed the ship to a long, empty field where it stopped.   
"What's he doing down there?" Zim wondered. He pointed the ship's long-distance camera, and saw a young Irken hop out of the ship.   
Zim gasped dramatically, seeing 777 follow behind.  
"Could it be?! The baby smeet boy Bid?!" He squinted. "Wow, he _is_ a baby smeet boy! They're letting them out early these days! Look at that smeet face and big ol' smeet head! But why does he have Tak's Ship?!" He brought his ship down to the clearing.   
  
He approached the young Irken, first with formality.  
"Hello, hello, little smeet boy! What brings you to the planet the Tallest have assigned to ME for takeover?" He brought his hands out from behind his back and pressed them together, hunching his back.   
"Why, I didn't know this was _YOUR_ planet!" Dib pressed his hands to his Irken cheeks. "We had to make an emergency stop on our way to Vort! Something leaked through my ship's floor!" He staggered dramatically.   
"Could it have been the sad, sad tears of your prisoner?" He pointed at 777. "By the way, welcome to Earth! Shame you couldn't get here before your children were erased from the universe!" He laughed malevolently. "It's a shame, I would have liked you to come sooner, but...Moo-Ping 10 has a good deal for captives. And I don't have to keep you imprisoned in my base."   
777 scowled silently as Zim rambled.  
"So." Zim pointed at Dib. "Advice from one Invader to another. Don't get involved with the planets or prisoners of other Invaders!" He lurched up into Dib's face.   
"Why, I didn't mean to! I was commanded to!" Dib put his arms up 'defensively'.  
"Well, let's check in with the Tallest!" Zim's remotely opened the camera from his own ship. "CALL THE TALLEST!" He yelled. 

It took a moment for them to answer.   
"...They have a jingle now." Zim cleared his throat as a little tone played. It was just Almighty Tallest Purple singing.   
  
_There was a victory.   
I gotta say, you did quite well.  
It's difficult to say how proud I am of you  
The Great Irken Empire_   
_We conquer worlds because it's fun_  
  
The tone stopped as the holographic screen opened to the Tallest, Red gripping a drink and Purple munching on popcorn.   
"Zim, what is it now?!" Red rolled his eyes.  
"My Tallest. I have been told that one Invader Bid has been given permission to move MY PRISONER, Vortian Prisoner 777, from Moo-Ping 10, where _I _pay for his keep, right back to Vort from where I moved him! What is this decision to move him back to Vort!" 

The Tallest cast confused glances at one another.  
"Who's Invader Bid?" Tallest Purple.  
Zim stuttered a moment.  
"Invader Bid! It was his first mission! He's got smeet face!" He pointed his camera at Dib, still wearing his Irken disguise.  
"...We don't know that Irken. We haven't even assigned any new Invaders!" Red almost crushed his cup.   
"But...then...who...???" Zim stuttered.   
Dib clicked off the bracelet, shedding the disguise.   
  
"DIB!?" Zim shrieked. "DIB WAS THE BABY SMEET BOY!" He pointed in alarm.   
"Which means..." He watched as 777 lifted each of his babies out of Tak's ship.  
Zim paled, realizing everything that had happened.  
  
"Has that Vortian engineer always had Vortian smeets?" Purple asked Red while 777 stalked toward Zim.   
"Oh...777." Zim laughed nervously. "Uh..." He shrank back.   
"So, do you still think we're 'old friends'?" 777 stopped a few feet from Zim, arms folded. Zim remembered the interaction during his short stint at Moo-Ting 10.

_"But are old friends, aren't we, Prisoner 777?"_  
_"You have my family hostage."_  
_"Yep. Old friends."_

  
"You think you can say that to me, after kidnapping my children, letting me think they were _gone_ from the universe - then leaving me to rot in prison? While they were still very much alive? Of course until you took it upon yourself to really--" He stopped what he was saying, wrist twitching at the thought of what Zim could have done.  
"Uh..." Zim stepped back.  
"Look, about the 'erasing' thing, I just...wanted to make sure you'd still work with me. I would never have really done it! And when you thought they WERE erased..." Zim's prior logic started to crash down on him.  
"Uh yeah, it didn't make sense, right! Right, we both agree on that! We're...! We're...old...friends!" Zim noticed the milk carton in 777's hand. "Why do you have that? Where did --- 777 DON'T!"   
Zim nearly tumbled backwards, as 777 readied to hurl the carton at Zim. It sailed over him, spilling some of its contents onto him. His skin sizzled on contact and he dropped down to the grass, wailing in agony.   
  
"Huh. Maybe that was the MacGuffin of Chekhov V all along." Dib rubbed his chin. "Chekhov's Carton. Heh." He mused to himself.  
"Nope." 777 huffed and continued to stalk toward Zim, curled in a ball on the grass.   
777 could hear that the Tallest were still in transmission, cackling at Zim's pain.  
"Aaaah, 77--AAAAH!" Zim barely had time to notice 777 raise one his hooves over him and stomp it into him repeatedly.  
"MY TALLEST! MY TALLEST, VORTIANS HAVE HOOVES!" Zim shrieked out, not realizing the Tallest were still laughing.  
"Are we recording this?!" Purple dropped his arm on Red's shoulder to support himself.   
  
Dib looked over his shoulder as the three babies watched. The biggest one hobbled over, standing a little bit behind its father until he stopped. Zim struggled to uncurl a little bit, finding one of the baby Vortians staring him in the face.   
"eeeugh..." He almost lifted his head - until the baby jumped and kicked him square in the face, like a pocket-sized kangaroo. Zim only mustered a squeak, which turned into a "hurk!" as 777 seized him by the shirt and thrust him against the side of his own ship - within sight of the Tallest.   
"How about a _new_ agreement Zim?" He snarled. "Do _anything_ to threaten my children again, and I'll stomp you to death with my hooves like the bug that you are."   
Zim grasped his arm until 777 let go. He drooped up against the side of the ship, wheezing. 777 found the milk carton nearby and drizzled some of what was left in it on Zim's head.   
"Enough, enough! I GET IT!" Zim wailed, swatting the carton away as his skin sizzled. "You've made your point!"   
777 leaned down to his level.  
"Don't make me do it again." 

Without another word, he picked up the biggest baby and rejoined the others.   
"This isn't fun anymore!" Tallest Purple exclaimed.  
"Yeah, really not fun." Tallest Red agreed. "Turn off the transmission!" The feed cut, leaving a screen of static.   
"That...was a little terrifying." Dib shuddered. "But_ awesome_." He picked up the two little ones and joined 777 in Tak's Ship.   
"I...guess you're coming home with me." Dib realized.  
  
"If you'll just be re-imprisoned if you go back to your home world and have nowhere else to go..." Dib scratched his cheek.   
777 took a moment to realize...  
"Yes..." He sighed. "You're right." He smiled at Dib. "You've already done so much for me and my family today. Thank you." He put an arm around Dib and hugged him to his shoulder.   
"There's an old mattress in the garage and we can set up a few blankets." Dib gave it some thought. "Oh but when Dad goes looking for the lawn mower..." He tapped his fingers to his palm.  
"Then you can prove you're right."  
"Yeah, but...that means you'd get locked up again. For science this time. You've been through that enough as it is."   
  
777 looked to his side.   
"We'll deal with that later." He sighed. "For now, I just want this nightmare to be over." He gathered up the babies and held them close. 

************************

Zim wheezed on the grass. He struggled to pull himself along, feeling the skin where the milk spilled start to split and peel. And burn. He had bruises on top of bruises.   
_Vortians had hooves. Sharp, knife-y hooves._ He had to remember that. He needed help getting back to his base. He couldn't get off the ground and he was sure something in his squeedlyspooch ruptured.  
"GIR?" Zim squeaked. "GIR, where are you?" He rolled onto his stomach. He saw GIR sitting in the grass, chugging what was left of the milk in the carton.   
"GIR, come help your master!" He reached out to GIR.  
GIR's lights switched form blue to red. He jumped up, throwing the empty carton aside. "Yes, my Master!" He scurried to Zim, hauled him over his head, and tossed him into the ship with as squealing "_YEET!_"   
Zim curled up in the seat, as GIR climbed back into his ship, lights turning blue again.   
"GIR." Zim coughed, sitting up as much as he could to set the controls back to the base.  
"I'll take you to Pirate Town when I'm done healing. I promise..."   
"Hooray!" GIR threw his arms in the air as the ship started to lift into the sunset.

************************

Dib had changed back into his normal clothes and set to work clearing the junk that had piled onto an old, stained mattress. Boxes might as well make a good security wall or makeshift headboard. He discovered some were full of broken junk and parts of machinery. 777 helped intermittently, stopping to give his children attention. It was efficient until they needed to eat again, so 777 placed them in a wrap around his body. He'd found some loose-fitting pants that wouldn't constrict his legs - while his jumpsuit laid in a pile next to the wall.  
"I'm going to burn it." He'd declared as he shoved it aside after removing it completely.   
There were a few objects that 777 fixed with ease, and clearing even more space than Dib expected.  
"That dinosaur's been broken for...ages. I tried to fix it on my own, but I guess at some point I forgot about it." Dib remembered. "My dad tried to help, but I wanted to do it on my own."   
"Well, it's fixed now." 777 pulled the tail down on the toy dinosaur he was holding. Three mechanical roars blared from it.   
"Interesting..." 777 passed it to Dib.   
"Well...mattress is clear." He looked at the old, stained thing that was just a little sunken at the foot from years of weight on it. "It's not in the best condition..." Dib cringed.   
"Dib, I've been sleeping on a prison bed for..." He sighed. "I don't even know how long. My children haven't even..." He trailed off, wrapping his fingers around one of them. "Well, they've known nothing else but that."  
"I guess I'll go get you some blankets, then." Dib went to the entry door to the house.   
  
He was surprised to find his father there, with a mug of coffee and scribbling on a notepad. Upon closer inspection, it was just silly doodles and spirals.   
"Hi, Dad." He waved.   
"Good evening, son!" Membrane waved with a greater flourish. "How was your day, Dib? Anything alien or supernatural?" His voice was teasing; but he also seemed serious.  
"Well...yeah. But also...kinda down-to-Earth?" Dib realized he could flub some details.  
"And how was that?" Membrane asked.   
"I found some kids who lost their dad. And I helped them find him." Dib smiled a little bit.   
"Excellent, excellent!" Membrane clapped his hand on Dib's shoulder. "I'm proud of you!"   
"But...oh man! The whole way they were screaming and crying and didn't want to drink the milk I gave them - also Gaz's milk needs to be replaced before she kills me - and they were just...completely..." Dib stopped before he rambled off the deep end.  
"And then they got back with their dad and it was like a light switched. They were calm and they were happy and they...drank their milk and they went to sleep and..." Dib felt Membrane's hand come down gently on his head.  
"You learned child psychology!" Membrane chuckled, ruffling his hair.   
  
"Yeah..." Dib fumbled his fingers a little bit. He stepped close and hugged Membrane around the waist. He squeezed in a little bit.   
"Lesson cut deep, hm?" Membrane set his mug down and wrapped his other arm around Dib.  
Dib nodded. "Yeah..." He pulled himself away, rubbing his eyes under his glasses on the verge of tears. "Anyway, um...I need to go cover something in the garage!" He choked. "I just...need some old blankets and an old pillow." He sniffed hard, and tensed his shoulders.   
"You know where to find them, son." Membrane patted his shoulder.   
"Thanks..." Dib shuffled to the bedding closet, found the most appropriate blanket and pillow that he could, and returned to the garage.

  
  
777 had sat down on one of the boxes. Quietly mumbling in what Dib had to guess was his own language. The two bigger children were asleep in his lap. The third was cradled under his chin, half dazed in exhaustion.   
Dib crept past, throwing on one blanket too oversized for the twin-sized mattress, then a second thicker blanket. And finally the pillow.   
"Goodnight." Dib said quietly, stopping by the door to make sure 777 heard him.   
"<Goodnight>" The response came naturally in 777's first language. Zim smiled, having learned what he was sure was his first truly alien word, and returned to the main part of the house.   
With the door securely closed, 777 lifted all three together and carefully took a few steps to the mattress. He sank into it, wrapping the top blanket around himself.   
It was true that the mattress was sunken and old. That the blankets were pilled and patchy, having seen better days. That the pillow was lumpy. But it had been an eternity since he had comfort like this. The little ones woke up momentarily to take notice of their change in surrounding.   
  
It was minor in comparison to the rest of their day.   
They had been traumatically teleported. Brought into space starving and exhausted. Reunited with their father. Watched their father kick their kidnapper to a withering ball. Found a new temporary home with some attempt at their first real bed.  
777 had thought he would be the one to take the light years of travel to get them back; he never expected at all they would come for him. Either way, he had them back.   
He settled himself in, leaving a little bit of his stomach exposed in case someone woke up hungry. His last thought before falling asleep was making a note to give them all a bath. 

Late at night, Gaz stumbled her to the kitchen for a midnight snack. She hoped for some sugary cereal with the specialty milk she asked for. The ultimate midnight snack combination.   
She was startled to find a goat-like creature peering into the fridge, its silhouette illuminated by the florescent light. It was wearing one of Professor Membrane's old, baggy T-shirts; it was so big, one sleeve hung off the alien's shoulder.  
It turned its horned head to her, pinkish eyes wide and glowing, gripping a cheese stick in its mouth. It was holding a baby in one arm.  
They started at each other quietly for an uncomfortable amount of time, until the alien shut the fridge and scuttled away into the garage.   
"Ooo-kay." Gaz sighed heavily with a groan. She went back up the stairs and pushed into Dib's room. She was surprised to find he wasn't in there. He wasn't on the couch either. Which meant...  
She found him sleeping with their dad, arm draped over the side of the bed while he slept.   
  
"Dib, one of your dumb aliens looking in our fridge." She snarled, approaching the edge of the bed.  
Dib groaned a little. "Purple? Goat legs? Horns?" He mumbled.  
"Yep." Gaz nodded. "It had a baby too."  
"Ehh, that's Prisoner 777. Leave him alone. He's had a rough day." He waved his hand. "Also he's got like, three babies." He rolled away from her direction.  
"Mmhmm, Mmhmm. Yeah, I'm not calling him that; cool gamer tag though." Gaz nodded for a brief moment, then abruptly jumped onto the bed and seized Dib by the shoulders and rattled him.  
"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY MILK, DIB!? I SAW IT WASN'T IN THE FRIDGE!!!"  
  
Dib wasn't quite sure how the next few minutes passed. But when he came to, Gaz was on Membrane's opposite side, tucked into his arm and snoring loudly. It took Dib a moment to realize that he too had been pulled to Membrane's side.  
He shrugged, opting not to question what happened and fell asleep again. 

************************

It had been a few days.   
Zim was still in terrible pain. But a promise was a promise. His skin had healed enough that he could endure the day.  
  
But he had to endure it wearing a comically oversized tricorn hat with ironed-on skull and crossbones and black T-Shirt reading "I Went to Pirate Town" (in its own branded typeface). It was not a dignified look, worse in his already undignified human disguise. GIR ran circles around him as they stood in the middle of the nautical theme park, swinging a giant lollipop with glee, in his own "I Went to Pirate Town" shirt and bandanna wrapped around his head. He wouldn't stop squealing.   
"We gotta go on the boat ride, Zim! WE GOTS TO GO ON THE BOAT RIDE!" He tugged on Zim's arm, pointing at the Big Big World of Pirates moat, filled with miniature lifeboats on a rail under the water.  
"Fine. We'll go on the...Big Big World of Pirates." Zim rolled his eyes but it wasn't long before GIR was running headlong for a costumed parrot in front of the restaurant- that had a bizarre combination with a 1950's soda shop theme.   
"SQUAWKYYY!!!"

Zim could only watch in horror as GIR leaped at the parrot. As GIR seemed sail in slow motion, Zim knew that with the rest of the day was going to go...he almost started to prefer getting stomped by Prisoner 777.

**Author's Note:**

> "Screaming and Crying": The Fan Fiction. 
> 
> It's kind of implied, but 777 is literally on his own with his kids. They're kind of like clones, coming from self-fertilization. So they don't have a second parent at all. 
> 
> I see a lot of things around Zim "babysitting" 777's kids and 777 sticking around with him even after reuniting with them. But something about that just doesn't feel right to me. Especially when Zim's on Moo-Ping 10 and doesn't want to be around Zim at all - citing the fact that he's holding them hostage.  
I'd say paying a prison to keep a "friend" there and extorting them into compliance with threatening their children is a pretty big friendship ender.  
(That and Zim is probably totally clueless to proper childcare, thus would just be at the edge of keeping them afloat anyway. I like to think MiniMoose is caring for them more than Zim and GIR would).
> 
> The "Frog Creature" is meant to be a reference to Utroms from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
> 
> Pirate Town is just something of my "go to" for a ridiculously over-the top "Not Disneyworld/Disneyland" theme park, no matter what I'm writing for. This just its debut.  
It's amazing. It's terrible. It's multi-dimensional.  
Pirate Town.
> 
> The tone that plays when Zim calls the Tallest is basically just the Irkens ripping off "Still Alive" from Portal.


End file.
